5: Horror-spondence

Many of the next few posts are going to include emails and explanations. The copies of emails from me that you are about to read are exact copies of emails (save a few spelling corrections… oops… and [minor adjustments to edit names]) that I sent to local and network management. You’ll see [network president]’s emails as well, although I am the intended recipient and these emails are for my use. As for you, well… you should not read them. ;)

I am not including copies of correspondence from the local mommies group management (aside from the initial notifications) because, well, I don’t have any. They hid behind the network on this, so I don’t have return correspondence from them.

As adults (and as adults in positions of leadership), I would think the members of management would want all of the information before making a decision. Unfortunately, that was not the case. In addition, “their” side of the story continued to be shared. The world became lopsided! Now it’s time to balance things out again. It’s time to share the rest of the story. Two of the other mommies have also blogged the story. Click here and here for Maria’s side, and click here for Jenee’s. And while we each have our own way of expressing ourselves, facts are facts. None of us have ever lied.

I pride myself on trying to be a mature, diplomatic, and open person. I don’t fight dirty unless there is a need (ie, unless that’s the only language the other parties speak). And let me tell you that over the course of the past month, there has definitely been a need. I’ve faught dirty before, and it can feel goooooood, but I don’t like myself like that. So although it’s come to that—to a down n’ dirty brawl, I have tried hard to maintain my composure. I have tried to see the scenario from different perspectives. I have kept an open mind and I have tried to empathize with every party (on my side AND theirs). I feel good that, although not all parties involved can say this, I maintained my composure throughout this entire debacle (and the irony is that my reputation and character above all others was the most unfairly and inaccurately tarnished). And since it was never asked, I repeatedly offered my side of the story as maturely, diplomatically, and openly as possible. Now it’s time for everyone to know what happened.

NOW everyone can make an educated decision about the situation. And I am open for questions, always.

4: Spoiler alert!

Oh... the Mama Drama.

This was a big ol’ mess, so it’s going to take a lot of posts to adequately rid myself of the negativity. It’s important that all of “my readers” understand that the reason I am going public with this is not to “na na na na pooooooooooo pooooooooooooo” the local group (which I am still fond of) or the network (which I am not); it is because NONE of the management (local or network) ever took the time to ask for any side of the story other than the one they fabricated, and they made judgments anyway… so have many random group members who weren’t even involved, or who were involved indirectly. And as we all know, there are (at least) two sides to every story. Personally, I would not want to be expected to form an opinion given only part of the story, but I guess not everyone feels that way! This blog is here so I can share MY side.

Warning: This blog may ruin your impression of me. Yes, I am a nice person. I try to be, and think I am, sweet, kind, and genuine. I am also human... and I am hurt and angry. You'll see some of the hurt and anger come out in this blog. I am a realist. I know that this blog may change your impression of me. But I am true to myself and proud of the person I am, and I am strong in my convictions. It's hard to write politely when you are angry, when you have been so very obviously wronged, and when you have been fighting the good fight for a LONG TIME! I try not to hold grudges! I can forgive, but I NEVER forget. I won't forget this.

I decided not to include specific names (of individuals or of the groups) because those who are reading this *probably* know exactly to whom I will be referring, and I didn’t feel the need to use names… I try to respect the rules and privacy even as an outcast. Take a lesson from that.

3: Long story short...

Long story short, a few insensitive things were said and/or jokes were made in a private email loop among seven group members (by the way, none of this happened on the actual boards). One of the members of the email loop took it upon herself to share the emails with management. This member was a "recent addition" to the email loop and as it turns out, she allegedly asked to join the loop with the intention of trapping the rest of us.

Management took the words that were said seriously, didn’t bother attempting to communicate with the “offenders” for clarification, and went to the president of the network with the emails. Decisions were made by the local AND the network administrators without any input, clarification, or contact with the Accused Six. Four of the six members were formally banned (as were IP addresses… so ridiculous) without ever being given any specifics or without ever being able to defend or explain their sides. Ever.

I have no problem with management wondering about the words that they received and read. Good management DOES need to protect the members of their organization! But I DO have a problem with the fact that I have not been able to get a member of management (other than the network president, who very obviously made up her mind long ago) to reciprocate any attempts at communication about this mess. None of them—NONE OF THEM—ever called, emailed, texted back to hear any side, or to allow any of us to attempt to clarify management’s interpretation of the scenario. And they were asked to contact us, repeatedly… even after the “sentence” had been given.

Any individual with half a brain knows that words “on paper” are always subject to interpretation. But lucky ones with a whole brain are the ones who open their minds to it. My words were interpreted in one way (one way only) by a small group of angry women who refuse to believe that there could be any other interpretations. WHAT?? My interpretations (my INTENTIONS) of the words were never considered. And four women (and even more children) suffered for it.

That’s it! The trainwreck in a few paragraphs. Now… if you really want the details, then please… I urge you… read on. And please, please, please feel free ask if you have any questions. I am an open book… and I have an open mind. I just hope you don't feel the need to hide behind anonymity... although I guess NO ONE is safe from Big Brother. I mean Big Mother.

2: A Sloppy Fight

Well, friends…

This is it. This is all of it, laid out, right in front of you. I am going to try to post a succinct “summary” (or two) of the scenario, for those of you who aren’t interested in reading the next zillion posts of the trainwreck. I have the sneaking suspicion that most of you will read everything though (you just can’t help it, can you?) and that this blog will get around. I’m alright with that. It will give me much-needed closure.

KNOW THIS: We have written our stories on our blogs because we have no other way to share our sides. Management will not communicate with us. I tried over and over again (we ALL did) to have a dialog about this whole mess, to understand them. But they didn’t bother extending us the same courtesy: they didn’t—DON’T—care to understand… they didn’t even care to address my many attempts at all. I never wanted it to come to this, but I feel that I have no choice. I’m tired of hearing directly and indirectly that they are sharing bits and pieces of their side of the story. I’m tired of it; I deserve to be heard. WE ALL DO. But all of this could have been SO EASILY AVOIDED.

Those of us who have written blogs about the drama have been attacked about the blogs by various (mostly anonymous) people. Of course, we're not phased by these attacks; our blogs exist simply to inform. We're not looking for approval or props. We're just looking to share our sides so that people can make INFORMED decisions about what went on. So if you're going to attack me for this, know that it's expected. If you want a REAL discussion, don't hit-and-run. Just tell me who you are. Maybe even share YOUR side.

How do I summarize it in a few paragraphs?!?! There is SO much to say! Argh. Well, let me start by apologizing from the bottom of my heart (yes, I have one) to “The Accused Six.” Recent information that I have stumbled upon has lead me to believe that the other five women would still be members of the group if it had not been for MY words that were interpreted incorrectly. I suspect that they would opt out of membership anyway, since the entire investigation was so poorly and unfairly conducted, since the members involved in the accusations have shown themselves in their true form, and since justice clearly did not prevail, but still… that should have been up to them. Apparently, I am the most dangerous one. Should I be flattered or offended? Either way, it’s not true… but “true” hasn’t mattered to management thus far…

I would also like to apologize to the non-management members who were innocent in all of this and ended up being dragged in. You didn't deserve it, in my opinion.

In addition, apparently (according to [local mommies group] site administrator M), the rest of the mommies were going to be allowed back on the site had they not stepped up and come to their own defense with the “barely there” information that they had. So in retrospect, they should have rolled over, said “Thank you sir! May I have another?” and then things would have been back to normal. OH! And another one of the banned mommies was going to be allowed back on had it not been for the discovery of her blog. Her blog contributed to the [network] president’s decision to formally ban her account. We were all hurt and angry. We had (HAVE) every right to be hurt and angry! EVERY RIGHT. The hurt and the anger came out in the blogs, bulletins, and letters to the president… and the hurt and anger (in lieu of the truth) were used against us.

It’s not like any of us ever lied!! In any event, our letters, bulletins, and blogs were detriments to our cases. And the GOOD things that we have always said about and done for the group… do those things matter? Why haven’t the glowing things I have always said about [local mommies group] on my blog been a benefit to my case? And what about the others? The glowing things that I and the rest of The Accused Six have said in the REST of our emails, by word of mouth, on our blogs… ?? The money and time happily spent on [local mommies group]-related initiatives? The point I am making is this: there is a severe abuse of power going on here. Selective application of the rules, double standards, arguments of convenience… it’s been SUCH a sloppy fight.

1: Big WHY, little why... this blog begins with WHY.

The catalyst for this blog was an unfortunate event that occurred within a local mommies group to which I used to belong. A few other mommies and I were banned from the group for a variety of unsubstantiated reasons. And from the start to the finish of the whole colorful “mess,” I visited and re-visited the many stages of anger. I spent a lot of time in these stages, and I wasted a lot of my (and my child’s) precious time there. That is unacceptable!!

I am happy to report that I have landed (for good, I hope) in the “indifference” stage… and this is where I plan on staying. But there’s still a lot of negativity around… and I need to get rid of it. The danger of negativity is that if it builds up, it can explode… and that’s no good for anyone. I had to find a place to put it all…

Others might benefit from this type of catharsis. It’s not healthy to wallow in passive-aggressive jabs that do nothing more than illustrate a sad (and monotonous) life… so come on! Get the negativity out!!!!

Now let the games begin…