19: Final messages...

Here’s a final message to the current members:

Please continue to be invaluable resources for one another. You (and your children) will benefit more from one another than from any books, doctors, or Internet sites. I hope you can continue to love and use the site like you always have, but just be careful about what you say (on and off the boards) because sadly, you never know who is watching and what their motives are.

Add a disclaimer to your emails and know your audience, because if your words end up in the wrong hands, even if you say something in jest, they can and will be used against you. Here… you can use my disclaimer (put it in your signature… and you might also want to consider adding an abbreviated one to your [local mommies group] siggy too:

This email transmission and any documents, files or previous email messages attached to it may contain information that is confidential or legally privileged. If you are not the intended recipient or a person responsible for delivering this transmission to the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that you must not read this transmission and that any disclosure, copying, printing, distribution or use of this transmission is strictly prohibited. If you have received this transmission in error, please immediately notify the sender by telephone or return email and delete the original transmission and its attachments without reading or saving in any manner.

Best of luck to all of you, and I hope to stay in touch!

Here’s a final message to the management and to Member A:

Management... oh, how you have disappointed me! I thought highly of the management team collectively before all of this started. I even recommended B and M for the SA positions (and wrote a PM to K stating so); as a matter of fact, I think it was MY suggestion of co-administration that gave one or both of them the push they may have needed or wanted to apply for the position. I’m sure you can verify that in one of the threads, if it has not been deleted or altered already. I (along with a few others) even helped one member of management with the wording for her SA application when she was having trouble finding a way to say that [local mommies group] was “un-cliquey” (ooooh the irony).

I’m sorry that you collectively as well as individually handled this situation so poorly, because I’m afraid it may have found its way into the subconsciouses of many of your members. I hope that the wonderful community that you govern is able to get back to “normal” after such a debacle, but I urge you, management, to put a little more faith and trust in the community over which you govern. They are wonderful women and deserve more than you have shown over the past couple of months.

I have no idea what to think about Member A! Is she just a pitiable person? Is she a sociopath (Webster’s definition: of, relating to, or characterized by asocial or antisocial behavior or exhibiting antisocial personality disorder)? Is she just a sad individual looking for validation (making others look bad to make herself look good)? I thought (and hoped) at first that her motives were altruistic, but some very convincing evidence that has been shared along the way disproved that theory! I have ONCE AGAIN been left to assume, since she never bothered to talk to us first.

Member A really doesn't matter. She has surfaced recently, interestingly enough. She contacted one of the Accused Six. Apparently she is feeling remorseful now, but to whom and for what is not exactly clear. She doesn't want to communicate via email, however, because "too many things get misinterpreted" that way. I find THAT ironic since she didn't seem to have any problem misinterpreting the emails that she brought to the attention of management. She also admitted to starting her blog because she was "pissed that there were so many assumptions and so much name calling," yet that is exactly what SHE did to us.

She said she'd meet to talk in person, but I can bet that offer doesn't extend to me... you know, the biggest bitch of 'em all. The real danger. So I'll be left aside ONCE AGAIN as my name gets brought up and trashed without any opportunity for me to defend or explain myself. This has all gotten so OLD, and if I feel that way, then you know it must be true. So who knows what her intentions are (hers and so many others are not necessarily what they seem)... I think we're all tired of playing this game.

But YOU, management… I had much higher hopes for you. Do you three really think you’re as bad judges of character as this mess has made you look? If The Accused Six are really these awful stealth bitches that you have made us out to be, why did it take almost a year for you to “find us out”? Why have you complimented us over and over again? Why have you asked us to take on positions of leadership, if we are so awful? The answer is: your instincts were right, and your interpretations were wrong. We’re not bitches (well, maybe sometimes) but we never had anything but good things to offer the group. Meanwhile, a real stealth bitch (or two) is still on the prowl… and still on the boards.

I have been a fan of M, B, and R since the beginning. I occasionally questioned the maturity level of B, but that is only because of the way her posts during a tumultuous time in her life made her appear. Any poor judgments made without knowing a context would not be fair to her. It’s just too bad she didn’t extend me the same courtesy. I thought I got to know a little more of her personally, but I guess I misjudged her too. I thought she was someone worthwhile...

I have very limited experience with R, but I always thought that she was “good people.” Her posts, PMs, and the one time I met her in person all seemed to solidify my positive impression of her. But then she colored impressions under the guise of trying to respect privacies… call me crazy, but words and phrases like “shocking” and “not necessarily a bad thing” when cryptically describing this debacle are not exactly appropriate phrases to use when you’re trying to “protect” the members involved.

M has surprised me the most. I’ve always seen her as a good person and an excellent site administrator. And I thought that she had a much better head on her shoulders. I thought and hoped that maybe she was just being pushed along and/or bullied with the dominant personality (or personalities) on this case until I heard about a few things (assumptions, judgments) that were made by her, specifically about me. WOW! If the masses only knew… I think she'll continue to live in ignorant bliss, refusing eye contact and avoiding "banned mommies" when she accidentally runs into them at egg hunts and such. Such a politician... perfect for the job.

I often wonder who those dominant personalities are; the ones who are pulling the puppet strings. I have recently discovered that it is theorized among many current members that R is the driving force: she is the one who brought this to [the network]. Come on. I guess even the most simple minds can build complex messes if there’s a real need.

I was also assured that M was probably “bullied” into following suit, but… no, M wasn’t bullied into being judgmental at a lunch meeting recently. And M wasn’t bullied into not replying to her personal emails and voicemails. And M wasn’t bullied into deleting me from her Myspace. M might be a pushover, but she had a few redeeming qualities… none of which surfaced during this scenario. Ahh, well. Can’t win ‘em all, M.

Sigh, sigh. Who cares. I'm tired of it, and of the sneaky, catty, girl-fight bitchdom that I inadvertently moved into when I came here from New York three years ago! I am too old for this. So are all of you. We know where our faults lie, and we know the wrong we did. We have come to terms with and admitted any wrongdoing on our part; most of us have even apologized. But I will not apologize for things I didn't say or mean-- things that were put in my mouth by others' interpretations. I am not sorry for something I did not say or do; but YOU PEOPLE should be. Where is YOUR remorse? Where are YOUR apologies?

Member A (or any of you!), if you have something to say, then just say it. Put the nails in the coffin already. That's what the rest of us are and have been trying to do, but you and your cronies keep prying it open. Even the anonymous ignoramus thinks it should end already! She says "You all started this and NEED to finish it." Of course, our stories are out. We finished it. That's why we blogged. So maybe you should go make an equally eloquent comment to Member A and management, and all their "followers." It IS time to move on. E-N-O-U-G-H.

I'm sure this blog will get trashed with comments and I am even MORE sure that the comments will be anonymous. That seems to be how the hotheads (other than us, haha) with the big-mouths work. I don't blame them; there's no substance to their words, so they don't have anything productive to contribute. I think they just want to vent and say mean things. Maybe THEY should start a blog for that! I'm trying to purge the negativity from my life-- it's all going on this Mama-Drama blog, and on my Purge Negativity blog. It's actually pretty therapeutic, anonymous ignorami! Try it!

The only difference between OUR way of sharing our sides and "their" way is that we did it in writing, and they yapped their traps. Anonymous ignorami criticize us for authoring these blogs, but "they" are no different. Well, maybe a little. They're worse. We may take heat for writing blogs, but at least what we have is factual, forthright, and available to anyone. Their "verbal blogs" only go to a select audience and they lack details, are inconsistent, and the story always seems to be changing.

Someone once told me that you have to be careful of women in power because their motives are not usually logical, just, or provoked by a genuine cause; rather, their motives are inspired by emotion and selfishness, and they play to win no matter the means. I never, never believed that. I was 22 when I heard that… fresh out of college, just starting to break into the real world. I refused to believe it! I’m sorry to say that now, ten years later, and in light of recent events, I am starting to believe it. Way to go, management! SCORE ONE (step backwards) for the women’s movement! And some of you have daughters?!?! For shame.