16: The FINAL word... or so they thought.

On 2/5/08 at 12:43PM, Godmomma replied, reprimanding me for “harassing” her staff and “accusing” them of breaking rules (if the shoe fits…). By the way, I sent two emails TOTAL to the staff. That’s harassment? Two emails? Seriously? Anyway, she informed me that the board is, in fact, reviewing my case but continuing to harass would only hurt my case (sounds like a threat to me). She also reminded me that the network could terminate any membership and did not need to provide a reason (another threat?). No problem; my primary concern is to share my side of the story, not to reacquire my membership.

Anyway, she very firmly asked me not to email her staff, and told me that she’d be in touch when THEY were able to. My reply to this most recent email of hers was written immediately upon receipt of her nasty reply, and has been ready to be sent, but out of respect for her request, I am waiting to hear from her before I send it. After all, she DID say “please.”

Also, in the context of Godmomma's email, I discovered the fact that my sister had gone to bat for me and sent a message of her own to the [local mommies group] network administrator, K, who asked my sister’s permission to send it to Godmomma. My sister gave her permission. Godmomma referenced my sister’s part in my case which was NEWS TO ME as I did not know she had been fighting for me. Godmomma shouldn’t have referenced my sister’s part in all of this without permission.

Here is her final email to me. But please know that I am the intended recipient, so you are not allowed to read it. ;)

Kristie,

with all due respect, harassing my team is not an effective means of getting your point across. Nor is quoting our rules and accusing our team of breaking the rules. Something you failed to note in your incredibly long email is the following from the terms and conditions of membership:

Conditions of Membership [blah, blah, lots of stuff, but this part singled out and bolded:] Any other reason deemed inappropriate in the reasonable opinion of [the network]. [the network] also reserves the right to terminate the membership of any individual without cause or reason.

That said, after receiving your LAST email, we have been reviewing your account. We are a volunteer- ONLY organization and all have many other things that we work on besides member issues with individual sites. We are reviewing your account and are considering allowing you back with some considerations; however, continuing to harass my staff will hurt your case.

Please stop emailing my staff. We will notify you when WE are able in regards to the request your sister made on your behalf, as well as your own request.

Sincerely,

[Godmomma]

And... my final reply, sent 3/3/08 at 8:59PM (I know, I said I would wait to hear from her before I replied, but come on. It's been almost a month since she made that promise. Mother Theresa doesn't even have THAT much patience):

[Godmomma],

It's unfortunate that the emails that you have sent me over the past few weeks have always seemed to have a very hostile and impatient tone. It seems as though my fate was sealed before even the first email was sent.

Please know that although I composed this email the moment I received your last one, I have patiently waited to send it (out of respect for your request). This is a perfect example the sort of mutual respect that I feel has been lacking on the part of [local mommies group] and [the network] over the past month. However, I will not wait any longer. It has been about five weeks since this mess began, and almost a month since you assured me that you were reviewing my account. I do understand that this issue is not (and should not be) your first order of business, as you are also a mother; however, what I don't think you understand is that this issue has had a huge effect on my life, so to me, it is important. I am certain that, if the tables were turned and your reputation was at stake, you would be able to understand and would be more likely to make it a priority.

It is unfortunate that you felt that I was "harassing" your staff. The email I most recently sent was actually only the second email I have sent the board, and I did not consider that sending only two messages would qualify as "harassment." I felt that I had no other choice but to include the board of directors in the first email that I sent them, as I had heard nothing from [local mommies group] Management other than my account was under review for breaking rule #6 (which I did not break). More recently I felt that I had no other choice in terms of sharing my side of this series of events but to include the board of directors in the attached second email that I sent them, as I had no indication from you of any further action in response to the multiple emails addressed only to you, or that my first (and only other) email to the board had been received. You never acknowledged the receipt of any single one of my emails, a practice I believe to be common courtesy.

My initial purpose of pointing out the discrepancy with regard to the rules and that many members of [local] and [network] management were not following them was not to be "accusatory," as you assumed, but to simply request that all parties involved adhere to these rules. Since then the blatant inconsistent treatment of all those involved in this case seem to lead to only one conclusion: the rules were being selectively applied, and administration was above them. Your sensitivity to that topic further supports this conclusion.

I knew from the very beginning that management could simply "terminate the membership of any individual without cause or reason," but we both know this is not the case with my membership. My membership was terminated for a specific reason (which [local] management stated in their email to me), and that reason is what I was contesting and trying to clarify. If, by stating that condition in your response to me, you are implying that you are planning to permanently ban my membership for no reason now after all that has transpired, that is your prerogative as the President of [the network]. I do not think that will make you look very just or objective. Also, once again, my membership is not what I am fighting for. My reputation is what I am fighting for.

I do hope you continue to look into my account and investigate my side of the story, but that is all I want. I understand that you are a volunteer, as I have stated in my correspondence. I understand that you selflessly donate your time when you have many other things going on in your life, as I have stated, and thanked you for, in my correspondence. I empathize, actually, because I am a mother and a volunteer as well. I have never demanded replies within time limits (save in response to the "48 hours" which was an offer initiated by Management), as I understand the nature of your and the directors' positions with [the network], so if you or any other members of Management are feeling time pressure to send detailed and researched replies, please know that it is not pressure coming from me.

All I am requesting (and have been requesting from the beginning) is the opportunity to share my side of the story. I still welcome any correspondence via email, via telephone, or in person, but please do not worry about reinstating me. That was not the point of my continued correspondence. I merely wanted to be heard. While I would be pleasantly surprised at an effort to reinstate my [local mommies group] membership, I would also expect and appreciate a public apology after all that has happened. The tones of your emails lead me to believe that you would probably not consider that, however, and if you (or the members of [local] management) are unwilling to agree to this contingency, then I would respectfully decline the motion for reinstatement of my membership.

I was unaware of my sister's request on my behalf, but I have taken that up with her. I do not want her involved in any more of this, as she was unfairly involved in the beginning and I feel her reputation may now also be sullied simply by association.

This entire "account review" process has been reminiscent of dealing with a middle school clique. You continue to tell me what is and isn't "an effective means" to get my point across, or to have my membership reinstated, but to that, I say this: it would benefit you to reflect upon your own communication skills. The accusatory and judgmental language and tones of your messages and the lack of email etiquette shock me, as your organization exists on the Internet! I outgrew the middle school mentality and I respect myself far too much to be part of a group affiliated with a person (the president, no less) whom I have come to know as an unjust, vindictive, judgmental, and close-minded tyrant. You should be ashamed; the idea of [the network] is a wonderful one, and one that should be governed by people worthy of the same description. I have limited to no knowledge of the board of directors, but I have come to know you, and "wonderful" is not a word I would ever use to describe you. It's a shame, for the sake of [the network], its groups across the country, and most of all, the members.

The five other women with whom I stood accused are five of the most amazing women I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. None of them are perfect, but they are all remarkable. The four members (including myself) whose accounts you recommended to ban for were four of the most enthusiastic members of [local mommies group]. We were all invaluable assets to [local mommies group] and we were "getting things done." Had warnings been provided to us (as per the rules) and had [the network] "disciplined" us instead of banning us, perhaps the entire [local mommies] community would not have had to suffer.

Finally, please know that although I have been (and continue to be) very clearly discriminated against within the [local mommies group] community as a direct result of this unfortunate chain of events, and although I have lost respect for some of the [local mommies group] members and Management, I have never lost respect for the purpose of the community as a whole; I still hold the idea of [local mommies group] in very high regard. I sincerely hope that the recent events do not continue to negatively affect the enthusiasm of the current members and that they continue to be wonderful sources of support for local mothers.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Kristin [last name]