11: An etrip to the White House

Still, I heard nothing. NOTHING! On the 48th hour, I composed and sent an email to the “big-wigs” (Godmomma, and the board) of the entire network since I had not heard back from the local management and still had no idea what was going on. This email was sent on 1/29/08 at 10:29PM:

Good evening.

My name is Kristie [last name] and I have been a member of [local mommies group] since March of 2007. I relocated to North Carolina from New York in 2005 and have no family in North Carolina. When I had my first child in 2006, I felt very scared and alone. Becoming part of the [mommies] community is part of what got me through the rough times. I have come to love and depend on "The Mommies."

I have been a very active and enthusiastic member of [local mommies group] from the start. In fact, I have received accolades by several of the members, including members of administration, for my enthusiasm and devotion to the site. However, there has been some very disturbing activity lately and I felt that it was important that you were made aware of it.

Please note that I am an adult and am not in the business of badmouthing people. I would rather deal with facts than assumptions, but I have been given little to no FACTS about the issue that prompted this email, and have been forced to make assumptions to try to make sense of it all. I have tried to deal with this issue internally (with the administrators of the [local mommies] site) since Sunday 1/27/08, but to no avail; it has been nearly three days and I have yet to get answers. I feel that I have been left no choice but to contact the administrators of [the whole network].

I was unable to access the site at all on Sunday 1/27/08. I assumed there was some sort of site issue that would resolve itself in a matter of time. As the day progressed, I tried again and again, and was never able to log in. When I contacted several of the members of the site to see if they were also experiencing problems, I learned that they were unable to log in as well. Again, I assumed there was a site problem. I caught wind that some members were able to log in, but when I still could not, I assumed it was simply a problem with my personal network. On Sunday night (actually Monday 1/28/08 at 12:46AM), I received an email from [local] management, stating that my account status is "pending" due to rule violation. I interpret this "pending" status to be synonymous with a status of "suspended," simply due to the fact that one of the definitions of "suspended" is "to hold in an undetermined or undecided state awaiting further information" which is exactly what is happening. No other information was shared with me. Here is my reply to said email, sent at 10:14AM on 1/28/08 :

Dear M, B, R, K [copied/pasted my first email to local management; see post #7]

I tried immediately to contact the [local] administration. I made several phone calls, sent emails, and sent text messages, all to no avail. I finally reached [B] ([assistant site administrator of local mommies group) via telephone, and after quite a bit of prodding, discovered that I was in violation of Rule #6:

[copied/pasted Rule #6]

Genuinely baffled by what I was being accused of, I asked [B] for details and was told over and over that the issue was being investigated and she was not ready to talk about it at this time. I was being denied any information about a violation of which I was clearly being accused! Not being able to say anything else (as I had NO idea how to deal with allegations about which I was denied any information), I asked [B] if there was proof that I had been, in fact, either impersonating another user or accessing another user's account. She assured me that there was.

About a half hour after my conversation, I received an email from [local] management (on Monday 1/28/08 at 1:58PM) explaining that I was in violation of the rules. It was explained (in the briefest, most vague way) that another [local mommies group] account shared both an IP address and a "physical address" with my account ([my username]). Below, please find my response, sent at 2:10PM on 1/28/08:

Thank you for elaborating [copied/pasted my second email to local management; see post #8]

I waited patiently throughout the day for a response. I understand that running [local mommies group] is a big job, and it is unrealistic to expect a response instantaneously (even though [M], the SA of whom I have always been a fan, usually responds immediately), but I was loyally checking my email throughout the day anyway. I was also going over scenarios in my head that may have been misunderstood as rule violations. I offered as much information as I could think of to the Management Team, in order to expedite this process so that a resolution could be reached. Trying to be as cooperative as possible given my lack of knowledge of the allegations against me, I sent another email to the Management Team after not hearing from them (sent on 1/28/08 at 3:00PM):

Here is additional information [copied/pasted my third email to local management; see post #9]

Again, I waited. I continued to check my [local mommies group] membership, and it was still denied. I continued to check my email, and there was nothing. I continued to email various members of Management in the hopes that SOMEONE would shed some light on the situation. I have NEVER heard of an individual being accused of a violation of any sort and not being given any details of the accusation! I have NO idea what is going on regarding MY account and MY reputation for nearly three days. This is, in my opinion, a terrible way to lead a group.

Since I had not heard a word in hours, I sent another email to verify receipt of my other emails. Please let it be known that receipt was not verified for any of the correspondence I have put my time and effort into composing. Here is the last email I sent to Management (sent 1/28/08 at 6:16PM):

Please verify the receipt [copied/pasted my final email to local management; see blog post #10]

As stated earlier, I would much rather deal with facts than assumptions, but I have been left no choice but to assume. I also don't believe in making waves for spite or to be vindictive, and any "waves" this email may make are purely for my own information's sake. I need to know what is going on, and I have exhausted every avenue in [local mommies group].

I know several other [local mommies group] members have also been suspended. This was discovered when I was contacting other members to see if I was the only one having trouble logging in, making the assumption that the site was down. It seems as though these other members are all coincidentally very friendly with one another. No private information about the "pending" status has been shared, as we are aware that that is against the rules (plus, we have NO information to share even if we wanted to). We all just know we can't log in. Rather, speculations have been shared because we are all passionate about our membership and our roles within the group, and since no administrators are giving us any information, we are trying to figure things out amongst ourselves. I understand that [local management] has 48 hours to contact us, and that these women have lives above and beyond [local mommies group], but not being given ANY information (not even a status check) in days seems unfair.

It seems to me that this is nothing more than a witch hunt, and that one (or more?) member of [local] Management has become personally involved. One member of Management has even deleted me from her "friends" list on Myspace, and if that is not proof that this has become personal, then I don't know what is.

All this nonsense has done nothing more than harvest bad blood and decreased confidence in the [local mommies] community, for many members. This is not to say that every member of [local mommies group] has always gotten along (past, present, or future); we are all entitled to our opinions and it is unrealistic to expect everyone to get along. Problems that I or anyone I know have with [local mommies group] members have predominantly been, to my knowledge, discussed and/or addressed off the boards. But the actions (or lack thereof) with each passing day have made the bad blood worse. This was a totally avoidable situation if appropriate managerial steps had been taken to address the issues. I hope that you can help me resolve the issues that I have stated, since I have (after many attempts) been unsuccessful in acquiring the help of the [local] Management Team.

Most of all, I am most saddened for my son, who because of these allegations (whether they are true or not) will suffer the most.

Please feel free to call me ([phone number]) or email me at any time. I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you for all that you do; at the very least, I feel that I have made some lifelong friends on the [local mommies group] board and have received many pieces of advice that have helped me through some rough times throughout motherhood. I know none of this would have been possible without the support and guidance of [the network]. For that, I will always be grateful, no matter the outcome of the above stated issues.

Fondly and with respect,
Kristie [last name]