14: Am I the only one working here?

I spent a LOT of time wracking my brain trying to crack the infuriating vague references that Godmomma kept alluding to. This was eating me alive, as it was apparently horrible enough to get me kicked from this local support group. I had no idea what I said that was so horrible, and STILL NO ONE WOULD TELL ME, FAX ME, EMAIL ME, CALL ME, nothing. I felt like I was running underwater, backwards, drunk. It was bizarre.

Soooo… I wrote to Godmomma again, trying my best to help clarify the obvious confusion. This email was sent on 1/31/08 at 9:59PM:

Hi [Godmomma]. I know I just emailed you last night and am still eagerly awaiting a response, but I have been doing my "homework" and feel the need to clarify some of the misinterpreted information you received. Please understand that to me, this horse is not dead yet. This is someone's life... a human being's life... hanging in the balance.

I still do not know specifically what I have been accused of saying, as no copies of the emails have been provided me (despite my asking twice). I have scoured the many emails that were sent back and forth involving the woman who I suspect of providing you with them, and can now try to explain my comments and what they were intended to mean. Again, I would appreciate copies of the correspondence that you have used to ultimately ban me from [local mommies group] so that I can have a chance to elaborate, but until then, please accept and respect my attempts at clarification:

"Now I am going to go make a post that will most certainly make all the true racists surface..."
This part of an email preceded a post I made requesting [local mommies group] fliers translated into Spanish. While I can see why you (and all the others) may think I am trying to start a racial war, it was meant as a joke in the email and was a genuine request in the thread. You would know this if anyone ever asked me to clarify! I genuinely wanted copies of the fliers in Spanish, as I felt it would help a)recruit more minorities, which I felt would help [local mommies group] diversify, and b)put some Spanish-speaking mothers' minds at ease, as seeing a flier for a Mommies' Support Group translated into their native language would hopefully appear more welcoming to them. I have a very good friend who is having her first baby any day now, and whom I have recruited to be a [local mommies group] (I do not know if she signed up yet, or not). She is married to a Peruvian man, she is pursuing her Master's Degree in ESL (I don't know the actual name of the program or title, I am sorry), and she teaches ESL classes in the evening at her church. She recently told me that although she is not of Hispanic descent, she is much more likely to pay attention to and patronize an establishment or organization that goes out of its way to help include non-English-speakers. That has stayed with me, and being part of the Promotions Committee (and initially being offered the position of Promotions Manager), I thought this would be a good idea for [local mommies group]. I distinctly remember being a little put-off for having no responses to the suggestion, but I guess I now know why. My peers knew it was meant as a joke and am certain would verify that, but I can see how [A], who does not know me very well and had previously stated her sensitivity to race-related issues, and you, not knowing me from Adam, could misinterpret that. Still, I was never given an opportunity to explain.
Update (this underlined part was not part of the email to Godmomma, but I came up with an analogy to try to illustrate my “joke”): this quote was like "Uh oh, I am going to be home late, I'm going to miss my curfew... watch what's going to happen to me" rather than "Oh, let me intentionally stay out late and miss my curfew, then watch what happens." The post about the Spanish fliers was going to be made anyway, since I thought (still think) it was a good idea... it was not made to stir things up, prompted by this email string. Also, I would be happy to put any of you in contact with the friend that I referenced in the explanation to verify that the conversation actually took place. Yes, that’s how seriously I am taking this whole thing.

"ROFL!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to sign up for [local mommies group] with a totally fake name and post that. Actually, we should come up with a fake [local mommies group] login that we ALL can use to make inappropriate (but true and totally justified) posts."
This is the post I specifically explained in the other email that I sent to you. It was meant as a joke (please note the "ROFL") in response to a humorous clip that was shared with us. It was a stupid joke, but a joke nonetheless. I can see how it can be interpreted as serious, but all I have control over is my intention-- not everyone's interpretation. If this is what prompted [local] Management to cite me on breaking Rule #6, that is understandable. And if that is why [K] called my sister to verify that she is, in fact, her own person with her own [local mommies group] account (and not me trying to pretend to be someone else), that is also understandable. But again, I was never given the opportunity to explain myself. In addition, were there any suspicious new accounts that were created after that comment was made? If so, investigating them is understandable. But if not, surely you can see that my peers did know it was a joke and never once considered actually doing it.

"I'm pretty strong in my convictions as well. Now let the games begin..."
This email was entirely for the benefit of the recipients, and was directly addressing them. I suspected that I might get an earful from the members of the email "loop" for owning up to the fact that my comments about another member were not necessary, and that not only did I like her (despite my previous email regarding how I felt about her posts, which I do believe to be true-- again, only my opinion and never held against her) but "we should all be [like her]." So the "let the games begin" was a direct response to the fact that I figured my peers would start on me. That would be fine; I can handle it. But that was meant as a challenge for them, and in no way had anything to do with any "games" on the boards.
Update (this underlined part was not part of the email to Godmomma, because it came up later): FYI, I am glad I clarified this section, because even the members of “The Loop” misinterpreted it!

I don't know what other specific quotes you could have possibly misinterpreted, but please extend me the courtesy of letting me know so that I can explain myself. Please.

Thank you for reading yet another one of my long emails. I appreciate that you have read and considered my side of the story, since I have tried to find a way to clarify repeatedly, to no avail. I know this has taken up a lot of your time, and for that I am sorry. It has taken up a lot of mine as well, and I would not be spending this much time on something I did not feel so strongly about. I am trying to let the real me come through.

Again, my intentions are not to re-gain access to the boards. As stated earlier, that is your decision, and I respect it. My intention is to help bring perspective to an unfortunate chain of events that has all but destroyed my reputation, even if only to a few people. I do not want to be inaccurately portrayed as someone I am not, and as someone I would NEVER tolerate.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Respectfully,
Kristie [last name]