13: Her decision!

On 1/30/08 at 9:19PM, I received a response from Godmomma. Within this email, she continued to allude to the violations (ummmm…. HI! I still haven’t been told specifically what I did) and accused me of plotting to instigate trouble on the boards. She then informed me that she recommended my local mommies group account be banned. Here is the email. But please know that I am the intended recipient, so you are not allowed to read it. ;)

Kristie,

I am very glad that you have made friends through [local mommies group]. That is the mission of ALL of our sites and we work very hard to keep focus on the mission of supporting moms.

The emails I received were forwarded by someone who had received the emails herself. It was within her right to share them with me, as they were sent directly to her and did not have any footer containing a confidentiality statement.

The emails that I read included on more than one occasion plans to do something to cause problems on [local mommies group]. This includes encouraging other members of your group to open fake accounts and telling them to post to incite racist comments on the site. These are two examples of several.

To me, that doesn't seem like someone who is on [local mommies group] for support and friendship. It seems, in fact, that you are occupying the admins with problems so that they are unable to focus on their mission to help moms find support and friendship in the [local] area.

After discussing this with the board of directors and K, the [administrator of the network] for [local mommies group], I have suggested that M ban your account on [local mommies group].

Regards,
[Godmomma]

Here is my response, sent 1/30/08 at 10:34PM:

Hi [Godmomma],

Thank you for your response.

I am saddened by your decision to ban my [local mommies group] account, but that is your decision, and you are the president of [the network]. I know there is no one above you to whom I can file an appeal, though if there were any avenues to follow, I certainly would.

I know who shared the emails with you, and that is neither here nor there. I don't feel as though she was altruistic in her motives, but that is also neither here nor there. I am not a vindictive person but I am one who believes in equal and fair treatment; I would expect that she also be held to the same standards to which I have been held. I am trying incredibly hard to understand everything with the limited information I have, and to keep my anger from guiding me which is what I think Management and my accusers have fallen victim to.

Responding to this email may be a waste of time, as you have already made your decision. But I feel that I deserve to defend and/or explain myself, and I have never, EVER been given that opportunity. Vague and cryptic emails back and forth from "[local] Management," you, and myself do not qualify as a discussion. In the interest of full disclosure, and as a human being, I deserve the right to meet with you, [M, B, R, K], and/or anyone else you feel needs to be present. I have no problem standing in front of the firing squad, if it gives me a chance to be heard... no matter the outcome.

I know this has become personal as even more [local mommies group] members (including more Management) have deleted me from their Myspace accounts. That is unfortunate, and it also saddens me. Whether I "deserve" it (and all of this) or not is an opinion that each one of these women are entitled to, but the fact of the matter is, they are basing their opinions on only part of the story. Opinions are going to continue to be formed without the full story and all the details-- every single member of this issue has only received part of the story. I don't even have the full story. No one has even bothered to try have a conversation (which requires multiple participants) with me and that is unfair.

I know exactly what you are talking about regarding the "encouraging other members to open fake accounts" and this is one perfect example of how making an assumption based solely on an email (and not having an open dialogue about it) is completely unfair. I remember that comment SPECIFICALLY. If I could take it back, I absolutely would, considering it fell into hands that don't know me and assumptions were made that were nothing less than COMPLETELY UNTRUE. That comment was a joke and written in response to an mpg file sent from a friend that was also a joke. It was never, EVER meant seriously, and the email "Loop" you referred to in your original email knew as much, because they know me. I am more than just words on a page to them, and I thought I was more than that to [local mommies group] members and Management, too. Unfortunately, the woman who provided the emails to Management and to you thought differently, as do you, apparently, and while you are right to question me, how could you be so quick to judge without allowing me to defend myself? I tell my husband that I am going to kick his butt if he wakes me up when he goes to work, but that does not mean my foot will ever come into contact with his rear. Sometimes things are said as jokes, and that is it. This is one such example. There is more to me than just words on a page, that can be taken in many contexts, depending on who is reading them.

I don't remember the specific comments you are accusing me of posting to encourage my peers to "post to incite racist comments on the site," but again, I KNOW if there were any comments made, they were not serious... and my peers knew as much. I am sickened at the thought of being called or thought of as a racist, to the point where it makes me feel physically ill. If any comments were made, they were made in jest. Once again, I would take it back if I could.

I would like a copy of the emails you have, not because I question that the words themselves are there, but to be able to use them to explain myself and to prove you wrong so that my reputation can stop being tarnished. I am more than just words on a page. Please fax them to me at [fax number].

I am mostly incredibly upset that you and [local] Management seem to feel that this recent "deviant behavior" supercedes the rest of the time I have been an active and enthusiastic member. I have grown to love [local mommies group] as family, and have adopted the community as family in absence of real family. [Local mommies group] has filled a very large and empty void and now the void is back. This is my fault, I understand, but is indescribably painful nonetheless. I won't lie and say I have liked everyone, everything, every word, every post, every playdate, every MNO... but I have always genuinely loved this group, this community, and these women as a whole. Always.

I am not trying to be argumentative and difficult, but I do want to talk about this. It's fine if your decision is final; I will not try to change your mind. But I do deserve to be heard. Please. I would rather speak with you (and [M]) by phone or in person-- please call me anytime. [phone number].

Respectfully,

Kristie [last name]

Realizing that I forgot to address everything in her vague and accusatory letter, I send another email; an “addendum” to the most recent one. This was sent on 1/30/08 at 10:58PM:

Also, I forgot to address the following: "To me, that doesn't seem like someone who is on [local mommies group] for support and friendship. It seems, in fact, that you are occupying the admins with problems so that they are unable to focus on their mission to help moms find support and friendship in the [local] area."

I have never been a problem (as far as I know) to any of the administrators of [local mommies group], and regret occupying them now (I do have great remorse). As a matter of fact, over the course of the last year, I have either approached them stating interest in doing more to help out ([R]), or they have approached me ([B] and [M]). I can't speak for them, but my offer was genuine.

While my words, even though they were in jest, do not appear to be words of some one who is on [local mommies group] for support and friendship, I assure you that I was looking and I found support and friendship.