12: Nice to meet you, Godmomma.

While I was composing that last long email, the president of the whole network (self-proclaimed "Godmomma") was composing and sending one of her own. I received it on 1/29/08 at 10:04PM, and all it did was allude to the rule violations, and accuse me of being a member of the local mommies group to cause trouble. Unreal. Here is the email. But please know that I am the intended recipient, so you are not allowed to read it. ;)

Hello,

I am writing to discuss your account on [local mommies group].

It has come to my attention that you regularly participate in an email loop with the purpose of complaining about [local mommies group] and its managers and members.

After reading some of the emails that have circulated among you, I really must wonder why you are so adamant to get your accounts back on [local mommies group]? It is very clear through your emails that you disagree with the management of the site and don't seem to really care for many of the members.

After discovering your group, we did move your accounts to pending status until we were able to review all of the emails we had. During that time, you continued to cause problems, posting bulletins on MySpace and one of you went so far as to post [B]’s phone number. It really saddens me that someone who dedicates so much time to managing one of our communities is having her privacy invaded in such a way. It is disrespectful, childish and certainly not weighing well on your case.

After reviewing countless emails, I do not understand why you would like your access to [local mommies group] returned. It seems to me that you are not there looking for support and friendship, but rather to cause problems and gossip about members.

If I am somehow mistaken and you really do have the best interest of the site in mind, please feel free to email me and help me understand your emails that have been shared with me. Otherwise, I am going to suggest that [M] formally ban your accounts.

[Godmomma]

Here is my response, sent 1/30/08 at 12:53AM (that’s right… I spent almost three hours that night into the wee hours of the morning composing a response):

Hi [Godmomma],

Thank you for contacting me regarding the "pending" status of my [local mommies group] membership. I have been anxiously awaiting a response.

First and foremost, please know that my feelings about [local mommies group] were never negative, until this issue began. In the past few days, I have all but completely lost interest in a group that for almost a year, I loved, depended on, and felt truly part of. Correction: I am still extremely fond of the group and its members, but not of the way the recent issues have been handled. I am trying very hard not to let the recent events skew my feelings for what I have always seen as an invaluable resource for myself and other local mothers.

I don't know specifically what emails to which you are referring, but I do not feel that it matters. People are entitled to their opinions, and unfortunately, any person in a position of leadership is subject to scrutiny (right or wrong) by members of his or her organization. I have not always agreed with every post or action of all of [local] management or members, nor they of mine, no doubt. That does not mean that I do not like the management, members, or the community. That is an unfair generalization. In addition, just because there may be characteristics (posts, tone, actions) about someone that I do not like, that does not mean I do not like the person overall. I have the utmost respect for all of these women, personal feelings (good or bad) aside.

If I spoke negatively about any of the members of management or the members of the site prior to this issue, I was well within my rights to express my opinions. To be totally honest with you, I can not think of what specific comments I am being accused of making, which to me, indicates the fact that it is not behavior I regularly practice... certainly not without feeling personally and/or directly warranted in making. But that is neither here nor there.

It's unfair to assume that the email group to which I belong has "the purpose of complaining about [local mommies group] and its managers and members." It is not unusual for people who share a common ground to frequently discuss that common ground; I have often found myself talking about school with my teacher colleagues... my husband's conversations with his friends undoubtedly end up being about work. Obviously women who met on [local mommies group] are going to frequently visit the following topics: [local mommies group] and their children. These are the common grounds and I would imagine most of the members discuss these two things with one another often. I'm certain that I could provide proof from other mommies (those who are not being accused) that this is true.

In addition, there seems to be evidence of "guilt by association" going on here, where some members of the "email loop" have been more vocal, and less polite, than others. I don't know what is going on in the inboxes of my peers, but I DO hope that the correspondence for each of us reflects our respective "offenses." For example, it is unfair to say things such as "you continued to cause problems, posting bulletins on MySpace" when I for one, did not.

I do not know to whom you are referring when you are talking about Myspace bulletins, or "posting" [B]’s phone number. I shared [B]’s phone number [via private email] with my peers, since she was the only one I was able to contact to acquire direction as to the accusations that involved me, and I figured the others might have similar success. Had I known this was a potential "invasion of privacy," I assure you, I would not have shared it. However, considering the fact that she (and other members of Management) has posted her phone number for all to see in the forums, which is a direct violation of Rule #4, I did not think it was inappropriate.

"It is very clear through your emails that you disagree with the management of the [local mommies] site and don't seem to really care for many of the members" and "It seems to me that you are not [on the local mommies group boards] looking for support and friendship, but rather to cause problems and gossip about members." These statements are absolutely and unequivocally untrue. I have been a member (an active, enthusiastic member) for almost a full year. Are you implying that I have been argumentative, disagreeable, trying to cause problems, and interested only in gossip about members for the duration of my membership? I vehemently deny these implications and quite frankly feel that I deserve an apology for this generalization. As stated in the email I sent to you and the rest of the network administrators earlier, "I relocated to North Carolina from New York in 2005 and have no family in North Carolina. When I had my first child in 2006, I felt very scared and alone. Becoming part of the [local mommies] community is part of what got me through the rough times. I have come to love and depend on "The Mommies." I feel that I owe a lot to this community and its members, and the issues and feelings as of late (perhaps on both sides) are not indicators of my tenure as a member and of my relationship with the community, management, or the members individually.

I am also left to wonder how it is "legal" (in terms of [network] rules) to share emails without being in direct violation of the rules? They have been shared, they are out "in the open," it is what it is... but I expect there to be repercussions for the member(s) who shared them as well. I don't have any intention of hiding behind anything I may have said that has become public knowledge for all to read, but I would still expect fair treatment and consequence for all those in violation of the rules.

"...help me understand [the] emails that have been shared with me." I would be happy to do this (I can only speak for myself), if you feel comfortable enough sending me copies. You are welcome to fax them to [fax number]. I would be happy to discuss them with you via email or over the phone ([phone number), or better yet... in person, anytime.

FINALLY, I would like to know why I was accused of violating Rule #6 ([B] informed me on the phone, and [local] Management informed me in an email) but there is no mention of this violation, or any details surrounding it, in this or any other email! I have waited longer than the requisite 48 hours, and while I understand that Management has other things to do than manage [local mommies], I think I have waited long enough. I deserve an explanation regarding this accusation ([B] informed me that there is "good proof"). I have done more than my part by emailing (multiple times) in detail my theories on why I might EVER be accused of this ridiculous act (please find a copy of my correspondence, sent to you earlier this evening in an email), but have not been given the courtesy of even a receipt confirmation.

Please respond at your earliest convenience. I truly look forward to hearing from you. [M], I would welcome an opportunity to speak with you as well.

Respectfully,
Kristie [last name]